On Love Languages
One major statement that redefined how I approach relationships is “love people the way they want to be loved”
Before I heard this, I had a nasty belief that there is a standard way to love everyone. Maybe that’s not totally wrong but what it does is that it does not give room for individuality.
In reality, we are all unique individuals from different cultures, backgrounds and with different experiences.
Different things tickle our fancies. For some, they want a head rub but to some others, it’s disrespectful or irritating.
Some want a back rub to some others it is not appealing. Some want gifts as it increases their confidence. Some others grew up in a frugal environment and think it is a waste of money.
Some want money every time; others just want peace of mind. Some want to be cuddled, others do not enjoy body touch. Some just want good conversations; some others want a listening ear.
We all want different things. One thing we should not do however is to invalidate one because we do not enjoy it.
The idea is to learn to embrace people with their love languages. We often tend to embrace the person but try to discard their love languages. It doesn’t work that way.
According to Gary Chapman, we all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
Our job is to find the love language of these people. This is why it is important you have discussions at length with those you are getting into a relationship with.
Ask them what they want, what they enjoy. You want to know what they fancy and what they don’t. This is how you predetermine if you are willing to commit to that person and their love languages.
Having this conversation also tells you how self-aware they are. If they don’t know, you shouldn’t want to date them. Trust me, you don’t want to date a person who is not self-aware.
You must be willing to reveal yourself too. Never try to impose your love language on others. It always leads to disasters.
You must be totally honest with yourself before committing. Ask:
“Is this something I can put up with?”
If it is not, you might want to either communicate with the person to reach a compromise or walk away.
It is not also impossible that you do not get to discover all of their love languages at the initial stages. In some other cases, they themselves get to discover their true love language with time. But once you have committed to that relationship, it means you are also committed to their growth and self-discovery.
While you are doing everything you can to communicate in their love languages, it is also important that you demand they speak your love language.
It is also important to note that we must never mistake our insecurities as our love language; however, it is not impossible that our insecurities can influence our love languages. (this is a topic for another day)
Before you go, tell me what your love language is in the comment below