On Relationships and Accountability
People are our covering, they say. This is essentially what relationships are about. But unfortunately, this sort of relationship demands that relationships and accountability work side by side.
I recently made a hasty decision. Just before I went ahead to execute, I sent a voice note to one of my aunts, explaining what had happened and what I had decided to do. Immediately, she called me and discouraged me from going that route. In retrospect, I am grateful I had her by my corner to give that advice. It would have gone terrible. That is what accountability is about.
I have met people who, whether in a bid to impress me or whatever, make statements like, “I have no friend.” Honestly, that is a red flag for me. It means that you are a terrible person if you have no one within your circle.
If all your friends are new friends, it is also a red flag. What about those you grew up with? Went to school, church, or mosque together with? How come your oldest friendship is six months old? Again, there is an accountability problem.
Accountability is what keeps our relationships going. People who claim they can do whatever they like are grossly irresponsible. People whose relationships last long enough leave their egos or sentiments outside the relationships and commit to being accountable to one and the other.
Talking down on relationships is a toxic trait. We just never know who will come through for us per time. I have people I trust to talk to me across different aspects of my life – spiritual, financial, mental, etc. I am always accountable to them before I make certain decisions.
A lot of us let go of relationships because of our egos. However, sometimes, it is a thing of throwing the baby with the bathwater where because you have experienced a lousy friendship, you try to do away with friendships as a whole.
I have met people who have refused to date anyone because they have been cheated on or betrayed before. But, you know that the issue is not the refusal to date. The problem is the reason behind the refusal to date—the same thing about platonic friendships. Because of our insecurities, we tend to let go of beautiful friends.
Most times, we have issues with our relationships due to our many insecurities where everything seems like a trigger. You are always the one being betrayed. You are always the one they lied against. You are always the one something happens to in the relationships you have been in. Maybe it is just time you reconsider your stance – you might be your problem.
In whatever type of relationship you might be, accountability is a crucial part of it. You cannot decide to act the way you want without considering the other party(s). Relationships and accountability work together. Having friends who look out for you is integral.
In fact, in a tough country like ours, you constantly need a shoulder to lean on and be a shoulder to others. We cannot do this without choosing to be first accountable. Accountability means we are ready to be vulnerable, be wrong, communicate, say sorry, be loyal, and never let our ego in the way.
There are no beautiful, long-lasting relationships without accountability. If you have a friendship issue, there is most likely an accountability issue. Accountability begins from assessing yourself – are you the problem? are you demanding from your friends and partners, but are you unwilling to surrender? Are you asking they make sacrifices for you, but you are reluctant to make sacrifices for them? Are you demanding that they are true, but you are not true to them? Are you keeping secrets from them but demanding they tell you everything?
These and more are questions we must be willing to provide answers to. Yes, relationships and accountability work together.