On Heartbreaks and Betrayals.

Heartbreaks and Betrayals are harrowing events. Trust me; if you’ve not experienced one, you don’t want to. But, unfortunately, it is pretty difficult not to experience one in this time and age.

As painful as heartbreaks and betrayals may be, it is worrisome how traumatizing it can be for some people. While this is not to invalidate their feelings, they allowed the trauma and it is the same way they can decide not to allow it.

Heartbreaks and betrayals are a product of people’s choice – most times, people we love and/or trust. But, unfortunately, they made the decision to walk away from that relationship or to backstab you or whatever it is they did and we shouldn’t have to be the ones to suffer for their decision.

But the problem we often make is that we tie our self-worth and identity to these people and things. So we go into relationships without first knowing our self-worth. We start jobs because we want to prove certain people wrong. We do things for people because we want something in return.

Going into a relationship with someone without knowing your self-worth and establishing your identity leaves you dependent on them to know these things, seeking validations from them. When a breakup happens, you become traumatized because you believe a more significant part of yourself – self-worth and identity – is gone, and it would be difficult to find it back.

It is also how people tie their entire being to their jobs, not knowing when to separate both. When they get negative feedback, they think it is an attack on them. Meanwhile, it is only a criticism of what they did and not on their person most times.

When we come into relationships and contracts with an understanding and awareness of the self, you’d understand that a person who violates that contract made a decision. While it would still hurt, you’d be grateful that you were fortunate to have discovered early on before it was too late that the person wasn’t reliable.

I need to put a disclaimer that one cannot know oneself as it is continuous. However, we can be self-aware enough to understand that we do not need to depend on anyone or thing to determine our identity or define us. Another disclaimer is that self-awareness is not an excuse not to fall deeply in love with people or things.

Self-awareness makes it easier to be madly in love with our loved ones, jobs, etc. However, it helps us not to define ourselves totally by these people and things such that when there is heartbreak or a betrayal, you understand that person made a decision, and you shouldn’t be the one to take the fall for that.

Self-awareness helps you love yourself first so much that you do not depend on others’ validation to know your self-worth and identity. In fact, with your self-awareness, going into a relationship or job is just a plus to your self-worth and identity. When we get heartbroken, it doesn’t take us back to ground zero; hence, while we may hurt, we do not lose ourselves in the process.

The more self-aware you become, the easier it is to love and be loved.

to be continued…