Do you experience that feeling of inadequacy where you begin to second guess yourself and look for ways to accept that you are not good enough? It could be about your body, mannerism, intellect, belief system, etc. Well, that is what insecurity feels like.
We all have our insecurities, and it plays that nasty tape of inadequacy from time to time coupled with a lot of anxiety. Many times, we do not even know it is insecurity we feel. Instead, we tend to handle it through emotions like anger or sadness. Other times, we are either shouting, crawling back to our shells, or in a bit to put up a tough front; we redirect it by gaslighting or embarrassing others.
Insecurity stems from traumatic events, social events, past interactions – things we have done, seen, or heard. For instance, if you see a movie that shows how dangerous having a maid is at a young age, you could grow up to hate having maids or seeing them around.
It is also said that insecurity could also be a personality trait. However, it still does not mean it was not learnt from somewhere as our personality is a product of our environment, associations, and interactions.
It is difficult to give a straight-cut way to deal with insecurity because we have different experiences. However, the starting point of dealing with insecurity is knowing how to identify it. You are if you
- Have low self-esteem, or you tend to put up superficial self-esteem. If you are always thinking and seeing yourself as less and undeserving, you are insecure. It would be best if you had a therapist. Also, if you are always doing your very best to put up high self-esteem, you are hiding something. It would be best if you also saw the doctor.
- Perfectionism sometimes displays itself as a sign of insecurity.
- If you find it difficult trusting people, there is a big problem, and you need to sort it
- If you are constantly avoiding social interactions, there is every possibility that you are insecure
- An overreliance on an external person or factor to feel good is proof of insecurity.
- Constant anxiety is a sign of insecurity. What is making you anxious?
There are other signs of insecurities, but they tend to overlap with the above listed. Knowing how to identify your insecurities is the first step to managing them. It is important to note that the issue is not being insecure – the problem is usually our inability to manage it.
Insecure people often tend to feel everything is an attack on the self. They find it difficult to separate the self from their work, relationships, rejection, comments, etc. It is an attachment problem masquerading as a self-defense mechanism. So, dealing with insecurities starts with separating the self from other things.
It is also worthy to note that most of our insecurities stem from our immediate family and the educational system. We face different stress levels, abuse, neglect, even bad experiences that we tend not to heal from. They almost always come back to hunt us.
The moment we begin to own up and open up, we will see results. Visiting a therapist is not a bad thing. If you know you need it, go for it.
to be continued…