You are not a baby. Your friend is not a mind reader. Learn to communicate effectively.
Many friendships have ended because of a miscommunication that none of the parties thought needed clarifications.
When you feel a certain way about what a person has done, talk about it with the person and bear your thoughts out clearly.
Don’t say A when you mean B.
Also, it is fine when you are in a bad mood. Can you learn to communicate that politely without being rude?
“Hey, Lagbaja. I’m not in the best mood right now. I’m a bit angry about something that happened in the office. I know you want to bant or gist, but right now is not the best time for me. Can I sort myself? I’d come around when I feel better.”
That is a perfect example. Don’t transfer aggression when you’ve failed to communicate.
Lagbaja is excited to bant with you, just like you both do every other day. He is not aware of your swings just yet. Easily tell him.
Effective communication is built on
- Clarity – be very clear on what you are saying or want to say. Don’t misappropriate your words. If you need time to process your thoughts, please take all the time (but communicate this – “Hey, give me some time to put my thoughts together.”) If you need to write out your thoughts, please do.
- Honesty – A is A; B is B. No manipulation. Be very clear on how you feel and be truthful about it. Trying to gaslight or make the other person feel small or insecure is not effective communication. It’s clear manipulation. Be honest.
- Comprehension – don’t listen to speak. Listen to understand. Good friendship is built on the willingness to understand the other party. It is not a right or wrong thing. It is a “How can we get better” thing. Listening to speak will throw you on the defensive side. Listening to understand will lead you to my next point.
- Empathy – when you choose to understand the other party, you’d begin to develop empathy towards that person. You then begin to put yourself in their shoes, and you are then closer to a resolution.
- Respect – respect the other party. Don’t trivialize how they feel. Don’t mock them or make them feel bad for communicating. In your friendship, never play the god role. You are not superior. You are friends. How you feel about how they feel is not the standard. Let them feel. Respect that and them
It is worthy to note that effective communication is not only about dispute resolution. It is in everything. Communicating how you feel, what you enjoy, and what you don’t like are things to be communicated effectively.
It is super important that you are also a very good listener. If you want to communicate effectively, you must learn to listen effectively. It’s both ways.
Effective communication is important to building good friendships.
to be continued…