On Managing Anger
“I lost control”, “I couldn’t manage my anger” etc are all lies we tell ourselves after we have done what we shouldn’t have. This is the open form of anger where we tend to lash out in rage, becoming verbally or physically abusive.
Anger doesn’t also have to be open and loud. It could be passive especially when we are avoiding confrontation, we go into our closets to cry, or in other cases, we decide to keep malice or act like everything is fine. Here, we are not dealing with the anger, rather, we try burying it.
While this might look like an effective strategy, it is building up resentment in you. In fact, most times, when someone annoys us, and in a bid to avoid confronting that person, we tend to lash out at our subordinates or younger ones because it gives us some sort of control.
For instance, if your boss acts rudely towards you because you do not dare to lash back at them, you tend to take it to your partner, younger ones, or kids.
Getting angry is a choice we make. It is never forced on us no matter the level of provocation. We can decide to yield or ignore it. We can deal with our anger by deciding to listen and communicate how we feel without lashing out or transferring it.
Personally, there are things I constantly tell myself I will not be angry at. For instance, when you are in traffic, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it sometimes, just be a little patient. When someone steps on you, give them the excuse that they were not paying attention.
People who get angry and act it out either passively or actively are usually insecure about something and they use that anger as a cover-up. Some do not want the world to think they are weak so they try to pass across the message that they are not. Some had a terrible childhood and got used to seeing everyone shout or get angry around them
Anger is not necessarily a bad emotion. It is how you use it that actually matters. Dealing with your anger is where true control and confidence are. Think before you speak or act, listen patiently, take it as a no offense and move on, etc.
Like I said earlier, a lot of anger issues stem from insecurity issues. Maybe you need to know what triggers your anger to learn to manage it. If you need a therapist, go see one. We sincerely all need one.